I endure the pangs of mommy guilt about 5 days a week, if not more. When Brennen was a baby my mommy guilt was self-induced. My internal voice at that time went something like this: “No one can take care of Brennen like I do. What if something happens to him when I am not there? What if I miss one of his firsts?!?!”
Now that Brennen is older (he is 3), he has developed a knack for inflicting mommy guilt on me, all on his own. My morning before I leave for work usually goes like this:
Brennen: “Mommy, MOmmy, MOMMY!!! I want MOMMY!” He shouts from wherever we finally got him to go to sleep that night before.
Me: “Brennen, I am in the bathroom getting ready for work.”
Brennen: He stumbles into the bathroom still half asleep and says, “Momma, home?”
Me: “Sorry buddy, I have to go to work today.”
Brennen: “Momma, no go to work! Momma home!”
Me: “I wish I could.”
Brennen: “Momma HOME! Poppa go to work!!”
Me: Still frantically trying to finish getting ready for work while thinking of a way to distract him from focusing on me going to work “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat breakfast?”
Brennen: Running over to the dining room table. “Cereal and milk, please.” Big milk, Momma.”
I can usually get a few minutes of peace once I pour him a bowl of Life cereal with big (lots) of milk and turn on the TV to one of his favorite shows. However, once I am finally ready for work and I wake up the hubby to take over watching Brennen, the big meltdown occurs.
Me: “All right buddy. I am going to work. Be a good boy today, okay?.”
Brennen: Runs towards me crying. “Momma up, please! Momma no go to work!!!”
Me: I pick him up, even though I know I shouldn’t. “I will see you later today, Brennen. I love you.”
I shower him with hugs and kisses and then try to hand him over to the hubby. Brennen clings to me for dear life, sobbing uncontrollably.
Brennen: “MOMMA HOME!!!”
I then have to do what every working mother does. I have to walk out the door, my heart breaking a little each time. I am told that the crying only lasts for a few minutes, but that does little to dull the pain of my mommy guilt.
What causes you to have mommy guilt? Or what do you need to vent about this week?