The Everyday Warrior

I am not sure if it is because I have a three year old or if it is because I have never liked anything scary, but either way I have been very aware of other people’s Halloween decorations this year. Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween! In fact, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays! However, I prefer my Halloween to be more PG than rated R. I prefer watching It’s a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown versus any horror movie of your choosing. I prefer little kids dressed up as their favorite cartoon character versus older kids who are dressed up to scare people. And I prefer Halloween decorations that are family friendly versus those that promote fear.

I am not saying that people shouldn’t decorate how they want to for Halloween. I am just saying they should think about the message they are sending and making sure it is the message they want to send.

There is one house in particular in my neighborhood that I feel is crossing the line with their Halloween decorations. Take a look for yourself.

Do you see what is bothering me? Look closer at the window. They have a doll stroller hanging off the window with a baby doll hanging out of it. Is that really necessary? What message does that send?

There is another part of their Halloween display that disturbs me as well, although I did not get a picture of it to show you. They have what appears to be an mini porch swing that is elevated off the ground. At night they put a baby that looks like a zombie inside it.  Again, is that necessary?

So what do you think? Do you think these people are crossing the line with their Halloween decorations or do you think I am being to sensitive. Let me know what you think!

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For the last two weeks I have been working on trying to find a company to assist me with making a customized race  shirt for my Wounded Warrior Project Fundraiser and the Tough Mudder race that I will be doing in April.  Originally, I had wanted to find a local company to make the shirt but that plan proved to be difficult as many of the places I contacted had a 10 shirt minimum. For those that didn’t have a minimum, the price was astronomical for one shirt or their turn around time was too lengthy for my needs. One business in particular really made me angry when I approached an employee about my inquiry and the employee seemed disinterested in helping me from the get-go. He didn’t even listen to what I was looking for. Instead, he abruptly cut me off mid sentence and told me they could only do customized shirts for orders of 12 or more and then pointed me in the direction of stick-on lettering. He was still resistant to help me even after I told him that I had been in contact with the president of the company via email and that the president had told me that they could absolutely help me.

Eventually I decided that enough was enough and I turned to the internet for help. My search brought me to a company called CustomInk. They seemed to have everything I was looking for plus they had rave reviews from their customers. I emailed my shirt idea to their custom service team and within a few hours I received a reply back from a T-Shirt Ambassador named Aubrey.  Aubrey’s email was a breath of fresh air. She gave me 3 performance shirts to choose from and even took the time to create a mock-up design for me to take a look at. She asked me to email her any design tweaks that I had in mind and even applauded my efforts in raising funds for the Wounded Warrior Project! She informed me that CustomInk had a 14 day turn around time frame and the price she quoted me was outstanding!  If I could have hugged Aubrey, I would have! That is how happy I was!!!

After a few design tweaks, I am debating between two design options. I need your help to decide which one to go with. Take a look at each option and then take the poll to let me know which one you like best. And while you are online don’t forget to keep voting for me to win a grant from Refuel with Chocolate milk! Every vote counts! Click to here to vote for me, Betsy Moats, now! Thank you!

Option 1: Solider with flag in background. Click here to see the design.

Option 2: Soldiers raising the flag. Click here to see the design.

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Please give a warm welcome to Melissa Radke who is today’s guest blogger for the Saturday Sound Off. Melissa is new to blogging. In fact, this is her first post, EVER! Melissa is the mother of five beautiful children who range in age from two months to seven years old. Melissa describes herself as a RN / Med Student / Mother / Father (when her husband is at sea) / Sailor’s Wife / Pet Handler and when time allows, a grieving mother. She currently resides in Virginia where he husband is stationed but her heart will always be in California and Hawaii.

James Landon Jase Radke

It has been one year and six months since I last saw, held, kissed and hugged our son, James Landon Jase. He was born with TGA, transposition of the great arteries. Although it was caught shortly after he was born, he had several complications which led him to passing away less than a month after he was born. As you can imagine, I was a big mess like any mother would be after losing her newborn child.

My husband and I were not ready to say goodbye, no parent should ever have to say goodbye to their child. Children are supposed to out live their parents, not the other way around. Eventually we had to decide whether we wanted to bury or cremate or son. The thought of having to bury him was like forcing my husband and I to say goodbye to him. It just didn’t feel right to us. We ended up cremating him and placing his ashes on a shelf in our room, watching over us. And yes, we were both okay with having his ashes in our bedroom. It gave us the feeling of completion having him close by.

After months of trying to grieve, we finally reached a day where we accepted that our son was gone and was not coming back. Coincidentally, on that same day we found out we were pregnant once again. My husband and I went through every single emotion that you can think of. And believe it or not, getting pregnant actually helped make the grieving process more manageable. Not easier or harder, but manageable.

The day James Hu’elani Kahikeilani was born, I felt some of my stress melting away. However, I still had the anxiety of not knowing if he was going to live, if he was healthy and if he would out live his big brother. So many questions ran through my mind, it was overwhelming at times. It took exactly 17 days to realize that our newborn son was not going anywhere. He was healthy and was here to stay. He has helped me to appreciate what we have now as opposed to what we have lost. I have learned to love in a different way. A love that I surely don’t take for granted any more. If I could say one thing to our son who has passed, I would tell him that mommy is ok but my love for him will never end.

James Hu'elani Kahikeilani Radke

If you are interested in being a guest blogger on a future Saturday Sound Off, please email me at bamoats@gmail.com. I am open to bloggers and non-bloggers alike!

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Most of my childhood family vacations were camping trips. But for the ones that involved hotels or relatives houses, I can recall sleeping on the floor many, MANY times! *Gasp* I know, it’s shocking isn’t it?!?! Even more shocking is that despite sleeping on the floor, I am just fine (by my standards anyways).

It amazes me today how many parents say that their kids can not sleep on the floor, under any circumstance. Instead, many parents insist that their kids need a bed of their own to sleep in. I just don’t get it. Kids are resilient, it WILL be okay if they sleep on the floor from time to time. And let’s be honest, a lot of kids could benefit from the humbling experience of being demoted to the floor.

Don’t even get me started about parents who say that brothers and sisters can’t share a bed during family trips . . .

How do you feel about your kid sleeping on the floor? Or did you have to sleep on the floor when you were a kid?

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I am excited to introduce Jacqueline Wilson from WritRams as the guest blogger for today’s Saturday Sound Off. I find it very fitting to have Jackie as my FIRST guest blogger as she was the one who inspired me to start my blog. Not to mention, I also credit her for sparking my idea about starting the Saturday Sound Off series. Jackie is a very talented writer and an even better friend. You can find her at WritRams.com and  PrimeParentsClub.com

Teen Responses | ‘No Problem’ is a Problem

Remember when people used to say “You’re welcome” when you said “Thank you.” No? Me either. But it used to happen. I know because I see it on TV sometimes. (And, if it’s on television then we all know it must be true.)

In case you haven’t guessed already, my complaint today is about how we respond to each other. More specifically, how teenagers respond to adults.

Now before you get all blah-blah-blah about this being another teen-hater post and how I can’t possibly understand because I’m older than, well, dirt, let me tell you something: I do understand. I won’t go into my parenting credentials and my experience teaching lecture halls full of teens, but I have been around enough of them to know that uncaring responses has become a common trend from the majority—the norm. And it’s annoying.

Really annoying.

I mean, how much more of an effort is it really to say “you’re welcome” instead of “no problem”? Um, let me see, same amount of words…so IT’S NOT.  And, by the way Tracy and Timmy Teen? I didn’t ask you if there was a problem, I just said THANK YOU. Your response doesn’t even make sense in the bigger scheme of things.

So, the next time a teen responds “no problem” to your “thank you,” take a moment to school them on why “no problem” really is a problem.

And while we’re at it, don’t even get me started on “It’s not my fault.” I better end this now before I burst an important blood vessel somewhere.

What’s your pet peeve phrase from teens?

Jacqueline Wilson is a published author and founder and editor of PrimeParentsClub.com–a site dedicated to celebrating and connecting parents 35 and up. She also blogs daily on her observational parenting humor site, WritRams.com-Writer Ramblings on Parenting Imperfectly. Jacqueline escaped the corporate world and now spends her day juggling between being a work-at-home mom and a stay-at-home mom. She apologizes for any organic juice spilled on the business documents you receive.

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Tomorrow I am headed into battle.

That’s right, I am competing in the Warrior Dash and will be embarking on “the craziest frickin’ day of my life.” I have been waiting for this race since I heard about it over a year ago. This is the first time is has come to Michigan and I am super excited to be a part of it! I had anticipated that I would be more prepared physically, however the whole breathing issue kind of got in the way of that. But in all honesty, I entered the race for fun. I am not expecting myself to finish within a certain time, I just want to complete all the obstacles AND finish the course. The race is 3.1 hellish miles with 12 obstacles. Click here for the course map. I am not concerned about the 3.1 miles and most of the obstacles seem doable (this from the person who is scared of heights). The two obstacles that scare me the most is the blackout – where I am to dive into darkness and escape the trenches and the new obstacle that says “details coming soon.” I am almost tempted to stuff a small key chain sized flashlight into my shoe for the blackout obstacle. I do not like the unknown. I am hoping to alleviate my fears about the mystery obstacle by getting to the race early enough to walk the course before I race and see how other competitors handle it. (The race begins at 8am, but my heat is at 11am.)

I should also mention that my hubby is doing this race with me! I think he is mostly just coming to collect his warrior helmet and free beer at then end. We will see who crosses the finish line first! All is fair in love and racing!

Since I will be on the battlefield tomorrow, I will be having my first guest blogger! Jacqueline Wilson from writrams.com will be hosting the Saturday Sound Off this week and I know that she will have a great post in store for you!

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It has been a HOT week here in the D.

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Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the heat. I see it as my reward for enduring Michigan winters. However, record-breaking temperatures combined with humidity that takes your breath away is a bit much, even for me.

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According to an article on MSN, “In this heat, it’s not just about discomfort. It’s about survival.” They also noted that the heat has caused 22 deaths nationwide, at least two were in the Detroit area.

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Currently in the Greater Detroit area, we have thousands of people who have been without power for much of this week. Even more people have power, but lack air conditioning. Fortunately, there are numerous cooling centers available to provide folks relief from the heat. Click here to find one near you.

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I am fortunate to have AC in my house and a nice neighbor who lets us swim in their pool. What are you doing to stay cool?

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This week marked week number five of waiting for the results of Brennen’s back x-ray. That’s right. WEEK. NUMBER. FIVE. Undeterred by my previous attempts at getting the results, which resulted in no return phone call, I placed another call to Brennen’s neurologist. This time I actually got a live person!!! I was super excited until I realized I was dealing with a receptionist with an attitude (RWA).

ME: “My son had a back x-ray about five weeks ago and I have not received the results despite leaving three voicemails.”

RWA: “The doctor has been on vacation for the last two weeks and he is the only one that can give the results.”

ME: “I understand that. However, I left the messages BEFORE he went on vacation.”

RWA: “Then that means we don’t have the results.”

ME: “But it’s been five weeks since the x-ray.”

RWA: “What is your kid’s name.”

I give her the information and she places me on hold. After about 10 minutes of waiting she finally comes back on the line.

RWA: “We don’t have the results. You need to call the lab where you had the x-ray done.”

I then call the x-ray lab and they insist they faxed the information to the doctor and they also state that the doctor can access the information online anytime. I place another call to the neurologist’s office and this time I get the too honest receptionist (THR).

THR: “You haven’t received the results yet?”

ME: “No, we have not.”

THR: “We’ve had them for a while now, but you should see how bad our filing system is.”

She then goes on to tell me that Brennen has 13 degree scoliosis, which I will blog more about at a later time. However, I thought only the doctor can give out test results??? And why did I have to get the run around for the last five weeks??? And more importantly: How many times have other patients experienced these frustrations and when will it end???

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I endure the pangs of mommy guilt about 5 days a week, if not more. When Brennen was a baby my mommy guilt was self-induced. My internal voice at that time went something like this: “No one can take care of Brennen like I do. What if something happens to him when I am not there? What if I miss one of his firsts?!?!”

Now that Brennen is older (he is 3), he has developed a knack for inflicting mommy guilt on me, all on his own. My morning before I leave for work usually goes like this:

Brennen: “Mommy, MOmmy, MOMMY!!! I want MOMMY!” He shouts from wherever we finally got him to go to sleep that night before.

Me: “Brennen, I am in the bathroom getting ready for work.”

Brennen: He stumbles into the bathroom still half asleep and says, “Momma, home?”

Me: “Sorry buddy, I have to go to work today.”

Brennen: “Momma, no go to work! Momma home!”

Me: “I wish I could.”

Brennen: “Momma HOME! Poppa go to work!!”

Me: Still frantically trying to finish getting ready for work while thinking of a way to distract him from focusing on me going to work “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat breakfast?”

Brennen: Running over to the dining room table. “Cereal and milk, please.” Big milk, Momma.”

I can usually get a few minutes of peace once I pour  him a bowl of Life cereal with big (lots) of milk and turn on the TV to one of his favorite shows. However, once I am finally ready for work and I wake up the hubby to take over watching Brennen, the big meltdown occurs.

Me: “All right buddy. I am going to work. Be a good boy today, okay?.”

Brennen:  Runs towards me crying. “Momma up, please! Momma no go to work!!!”

Me: I pick him up, even though I know I shouldn’t. “I will see you later today, Brennen. I love you.”

I shower him with hugs and kisses and then try to hand him over to the hubby. Brennen clings to me for dear life, sobbing uncontrollably.

Brennen: “MOMMA HOME!!!”

I then have to do what every working mother does. I have to walk out the door, my heart breaking a little each time. I am told that the crying only lasts for a few minutes, but that does little to dull the pain of my mommy guilt.

What causes you to have mommy guilt? Or what do you need to vent about this week?

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This week I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed in all facets of my life. I feel like I have too much to do and not enough time to accomplish it all, both at work and in my personal life. And to make matters worse, I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I believe that I should be able to do everything. Rationally I realize that “doing everything” is not feasible or realistic, but my perfectionist trait is firmly ingrained in my personality.

Because of these feelings, I decided to examine all areas of my life to see if I could make some “cuts” to help me breathe a little easier. Here is what I came up with.

1. Work – I need to work to help pay our bills. I enjoy what I do and where I work, so although some days are frustrating and the commute is long, it is worth it.

2. My commute to work - It would be nice to live closer to work but where I live feels like home and changing everything Brennen knows and loves would not be worth a shorter commute. Besides, my commute gives me a breather while I  transition from work life to home life.

3. Housework – As it is, our house is no where as clean as it was before we had Brennen, so I don’t think it is wise to do any less that I manage to do now.

4. Exercise – Any time I cut back on working out, I just feel more stressed and overwhelmed. Running keeps me sane and it is far cheaper than therapy!

5.Facebook – I could cut back on my Facebook time, but everyone needs a guilty pleasure, right?

6.My Blog - Earlier in the week, I had actually decided to stop blogging, hence the reason I did not have an entry on Wednesday like I normally do. But then I got a few comments on some of my previous entries and I got all excited and started blogging again.

So it turns out that my analysis proved what I already knew, it’s not that I need to “cut” anything out of my life, it’s that I need to be ok with being “good enough.” Easier said than done . . .

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